Vicious love

I said “no” when everything inside me screamed “yes”. And I lost you because I followed reason. I didn’t trust you. Fear got the better of me. And so I let you walk away.

Six years later and I’m still stuck on that moment. So much it has begun to haunt my dreams. All the stories I make up – they are about you. It’s always you.

Though I never talk about you and haven’t heard from you since that day – you are in my mind every day. Every night and every time I forget to catch myself.

Six years before I began to mention your name again. And still – what is there to talk about? There is nothing I can do except move on. That’s what I’m telling myself every single day.

I know that it’s my own fault that this memory still haunts me. It destroyed everything. And believe me, I tried. But it’s you – still you – always you. Every time.

So, can I really go back? After all this time and all the efforts I made to get past you? Those questions are irrelevant.

The truth is I barley manage to live without you. There is nothing left for me to try but this. Because for me it is and has always been you.