Change is scary, it really is. It’s not so much about changing your life, but the little things that keep us from growing – or in my case, healing. It’s about realizing that your mind is a liar sometimes. That some of the things we clung to our whole life are complete and utter bullshit. For me one of those things is the believe that something is fundamentally wrong with me. That, as a result from this wrongness I am destined to fail. What I didn’t realize is that I was the one setting myself up for failure before even trying. Weiterlesen
I wrote so many texts about being different, but I never seem to get it right. Today, „be different“ is a marketing slogan for all of those who don’t want to be different at all. Just stand out a tiny little bit, never really and never too much, because if you are too different you become just weird and nobody wants to be weird. Except me. Weiterlesen
Talking isn’t worth much, if no one listens. It’s like writing stories that no one ever reads. Like drawing pictures no one ever sees. Like being forgotten before you even existed. But it’s so easy they say. So easy to change. Weiterlesen
Do you sometimes dream of someone who isn’t in your life anymore as if they still were? I do. Not daily, but consistently. And then I wake up missing them. Wondering what went wrong, and it breaks my heart a little every time. Weiterlesen
It could have been the wrong time. You were not ready yet. Or it could have been the circumstances – there was too much distance and too much things going on. Or it could have been a whole bunch of other things. But the truth is: It just wasn’t meant to be. Weiterlesen
I miss you. Everything about you. I miss your laugh and our silly little jokes. I miss how you made everything a little brighter, made the world look a little less scary and almost made me believe in the impossible again. I know this doesn’t change anything but I do miss you. I miss you so much. Weiterlesen
Friends are so easy to find these days. You just have to search a little and soon you’ll have hundreds of them all just a click away. All a cluster of pixels on that bright screen in front of your face. Letters that you feel connected to, for a little while at least…until they become nothing more than pixel-dust again. Weiterlesen
All my life I had wished I could be one of those people who always seemed to know the right thing to say in any given situation. Someone who was quick-witted and funny in a good way, making people laugh with them, instead of at them. Because that was what seemed to be my greatest talent: Screwing up in any situation that required wit or just plain common sense. Weiterlesen
There are many signs which tell you that you might need to change your life. Some might be subtle enough to ignore them but others have a very obvious way of presenting themselves. Like hiding from the rest of the party in a bathroom on the second floor, puking your heart out into the toilet. That was a very straight forward kind of sign. Weiterlesen
*You think it’s going to change?*
I stare at the screen, thinking about an answer. Telling her the truth? No, I guess that’s not an option. Answering with a fraction of the truth? I don’t see how I have any other chance.
Great answer that should really distract her!
Shut up conscience! No one wants your opinion anyway.
That’s part of why you are in this mess right now!
I’m not going to comment on that! Oh holy crap I guess I really am nuts. Now I’m not only talking to myself but I’m also arguing with my inner sanity. Or in other words: I am crazy. Weiterlesen