Do you sometimes dream of someone who isn’t in your life anymore as if they still were? I do. Not daily, but consistently. And then I wake up missing them. Wondering what went wrong, and it breaks my heart a little every time. Weiterlesen
I am terrified of everything that might happen. And anything that I might do. Even though I know I would never consciously try to harm myself. Not physically anyway. And I know I have never been allergic to anything and I am probably the worlds’ most cautious driver. Still, I am terrified. Weiterlesen
It could have been the wrong time. You were not ready yet. Or it could have been the circumstances – there was too much distance and too much things going on. Or it could have been a whole bunch of other things. But the truth is: It just wasn’t meant to be. Weiterlesen
If you ever feel like you are trapped in the wrong story you need to leave. That’s such an easy saying but such a hard thing to do. Because it’s so much easier to be trapped in misery than trying to escape. Who knows what monsters are waiting for you on the other side? Weiterlesen
Everyone has something that is very important to them. Maybe it’s money, maybe success or maybe love. But what if it really is not important at all? What if it’s just an idea someone else put in your consciousness a long time ago. Weiterlesen
The beauty of being alone is that there is never any doubt. It might get lonely, sometimes too lonely to bear – but loneliness is a comforting partner. It always holds your hand, always walks by your side and always welcomes you right back into its cold embrace. Loneliness can be a shadow looming over you but also the icy light keeping you awake and focused. Because if you are alone there is a comfort in having nothing left to lose except yourself. Weiterlesen
Fine. I am fine. It’s an easy answer…an easy lie. Fine – not too bad but not really good either. You will get away with it, because it’s too lukewarm to raise any concern and not overwhelming enough to make anyone uncomfortable. And really, I am fine. I just hope this isn’t as good as it will ever get. Weiterlesen
Some people say that nothing ever changes, but that’s not true. The truth is that everything changes – constantly, every second of every day. Your life changes with every breath you take and every step you either take or decide not to take. Change is the only thing that never changes, and even that might not be true.
Change doesn’t require more than a second. One moment you were miserable and then something happens and the world becomes a fluffy pink place of happiness. And then, two seconds later another change occurs and life becomes an endless river of misery. Change is part of everything we do, everything we think and even all the things we don’t do or won’t even dare to think about. It’s all changing and shifting, and it will never stop even when we’re gone.
An idea can grow to define or destroy you
Yesterday I didn’t care. Yesterday I was fine. Today I almost dare to dream and it scares me so much that I fear I already ruined it anyway. But it’s done now. The change is there and I care. I really, really do care. So much that I’m almost paralysed by the fear of it being just another fleeing little idea that proves to be totally insignificant and stupid. Yesterday I was content and now I’m everything but.
The trouble is, you think you have time
Change is what makes life worth living, even if it scares us half to death. Change doesn’t care about our fears it happens anyway, for better or for worse. So there really is no choice about the change – just the direction it’s going to take. Will it be another regret? Another dream seemingly buried so deep it won’t ever come out again – until it does? Or will it be the start of something truly new?
There is no try
There shouldn’t even be a question, but sadly there is. I’m prepared for the worst, but I also can’t stop myself from moving forward. Can’t stop myself from dreaming. So please: Be sincere. Be something more than a fleeing insanity.
Last week I read in a magazine about the benefits of being single. You know stuff like “You don’t have to deal with stupid nicknames or smelly breath in the morning”. My first thought was: Oh my god, are you fucking serious? I think she was. Weiterlesen
Nearly there is not good enough. This applies for missed changes, unspoken words and actions not taken, no matter how much it hurts afterwards. Still, even after it’s already over – after you slammed the door shut and threw the key away – even then, the stupid question “What if” might not stop bugging you. Weiterlesen