Prevented (I) – The aftermath

Some days you just can’t win. And he chose one of these particularly nasty days. In hindsight I shouldn’t have been that surprised.
The day started with waking up at 5 a.m. and no hope of getting back to sleep – after having trouble falling asleep before and so effectively only sleeping four hours total. Then the tyre of my bike went flat and I had to take the damn bus to work. Which meant: I was late.
You think that’s just really bad luck – wait, it got better! After finally arriving at work, about 30 minutes late, I realized that I had forgotten to take the milk with me. So there was no milk for my cereal and since there was no time to get to the supermarket I sat there starving until lunch. Which is probably why I picked a huge fight with my colleague Laura, because she did something wrong. As of today I’m not really sure what it was.
So just after lunch and finally having something in my stomach I was sitting in front of my computer, trying to think of something interesting and witty to write about a Zombie apocalypse. Yeah, you read correctly. My job consists of writing about Zombie apocalypses – or rather: Of writing something about the movie “World War Z”. But not the usual review-crap that everyone writes about. No, it has to be something different – something special, witty and interesting. So yeah, Zombie apocalypse – I was so thrilled. Not.
Actually the only fantasy creatures I am unable to make any use of are Zombies. Simply because I think they are gross. Even if there is a Zombie in love played by Nicholas Hoult – granted he was super cute when he became human again but before? Disgusting.
Zombies are disgusting – they smell rotten, the look rotten, they are just really, really…
My nice inner monologue about rotten Zombies was interrupted so suddenly, that I almost jumped out of my skin. The voice had come so unexpectedly from the left that it took me a moment to remember my name and where I was.
And then it sunk in – THAT voice. But no, it couldn’t be… Weiterlesen

Missed (IV)

*You think it’s going to change?*

I stare at the screen, thinking about an answer. Telling her the truth? No, I guess that’s not an option. Answering with a fraction of the truth? I don’t see how I have any other chance.


Great answer that should really distract her!
Shut up conscience! No one wants your opinion anyway.
That’s part of why you are in this mess right now!
I’m not going to comment on that! Oh holy crap I guess I really am nuts. Now I’m not only talking to myself but I’m also arguing with my inner sanity. Or in other words: I am crazy. Weiterlesen

Missed (III)

„Oh god, she’s leaving us!“
He is smiling at me, eyes sparkling.
Oh please don’t do this.
I force myself to return the smile. “Oh no, what shall we do?”
“We’ll have to talk now!”
I look down into my cereal.
Damn, why do you have to be so damn cute all of a sudden? Can’t you just go and torment someone else?
Still kidding yourself I see.
Shut up conscience! Weiterlesen

Missed (II)

„All men are pigs!“
“Well no, actually I am.“
He looks at me. “How so?“
“I could have had the sweetest, nicest and best guy of all. But I messed up & now he’s got a girlfriend.“
I sigh.
“What did you do?“
He frowns. “So why…“
“No“, I interrupt, “that’s precisely the problem. I didn’t do anything.“
“But that doesn’t make you a pig then.“
“No, it makes me stupid.“
I empty my coffee cup and get up.
He doesn’t add anything. Didn’t think he would.
So I just leave the kitchen and go back to my computer.
Sometimes I imagine his eyes on my back. But then again he does probably look at me from time to time. Just like he walks over for a chat.
It’s because he doesn’t know. The guy I was talking about – the sweet, drop dead gorgeous guy?
That’s him.


I convinced myself that I was over this. Now look at me. Sitting in front of my computer, wearing headphones and pretending to listen to music. When in fact I’m waiting. Just waiting to hear your voice.
„Good morning.“
And there he is.
I sigh inwardly and then hit myself mentally.
I do NOT – I repeat NOT – care that he is back. I do NOT wish for him to come over like he did before. Weiterlesen