Resigning

I miss making up stories about you in my head. So now I make up a dozen new ones just so I can avoid thinking about you. Problem is I do. Still. Every day, every night and everytime I let my guard down. It makes me miserable all over again because it is so pointless and empty.

I’m sure she is perfect for you and you’re very happy and this time it’ll actually stick. This time you’ll stay and get what you’ve always dreamed of. We would’ve been terrible together anyway. I know that I really really truly do. Every time we talk there is new evidence to support it.

But all that doesn’t stop me from missing what could’ve been.

Missed (IV)

*You think it’s going to change?*

I stare at the screen, thinking about an answer. Telling her the truth? No, I guess that’s not an option. Answering with a fraction of the truth? I don’t see how I have any other chance.

*Probably.*

Great answer that should really distract her!
Shut up conscience! No one wants your opinion anyway.
That’s part of why you are in this mess right now!
I’m not going to comment on that! Oh holy crap I guess I really am nuts. Now I’m not only talking to myself but I’m also arguing with my inner sanity. Or in other words: I am crazy. Weiterlesen

Rid of you

(c) D.ReichertIf you don’t know what you want you won’t find it anywhere. I thought I wanted you. But now I can’t have you. Never have you. So I’ve got to find something else that I want. And still I keep cycling back around you.

Do you want me? No, you don’t want me anywhere in any part of your life. But I still do. I still think that maybe – if things could be different – if I could be different – if anything could be different…so yeah, I’m only kidding myself. I know that. Weiterlesen

Getting rid of you

(c) D.ReichertI managed to do it. I moved the damn wardrobe, fixed the light, recreated the living room, cut my hair and had an amazing party. I even managed to get everyone to come and celebrate with me. For the first time in twelve years my best friends have all been reunited.

So I should be happy. I should be proud. But all I remember about that party is that you were the last person to let me down and didn’t even bother to come up with an excuse for it. Not that it really mattered that much. It was just the final straw before everything else fell apart. Weiterlesen

Heartbreak

Falling in love is so easy. Falling out of love is just so damn hard. Not that there is still a chance or has ever been. Not that I don’t want to move on. I am just stuck between admitting defeat and finally moving on.

And I will. As always I will get all the broken pieces together pack them up and just continue to walk on. Because one thing I’m really good at is walking away.