The wrong story of my life

If you ever feel like you are trapped in the wrong story you need to leave. That’s such an easy saying but such a hard thing to do. Because it’s so much easier to be trapped in misery than trying to escape. Who knows what monsters are waiting for you on the other side?

Life altering decisions always start with a feeling. They begin with the feeling that something is not quite right and turn into the truth of something needing to change. But it’s one thing to know something and another to make it reality. It is hard to really take a step forward, even if staying in the same spot feels like you are slowly suffocating.

Being miserable can be strangely comforting. It can become a protective blanket against reality. This feeling, this misery is something you know, a dull and constant ache you have become accustomed to. Who knows what horrors might be out there. What monsters might be lurking in the mists of the unknown. And also – what if…you fail?

If you live your life with the constant feeling that something is missing, at some point you come to terms with the fact that this void inside you might never be filled. No matter how hard you party, how much you drink, how hard you cry yourself to sleep every night and no matter how many things you buy – the void will just keep growing. Until it feels like it’s consuming all the happiness, all the love and every other feeling right along with it.

Other people do not seem to have that problem. Everyone around you seems to have it worked out somehow – their life might not be perfect, but at least they seem content. They have problems yes, but they also have friends, relationships, good jobs and a life that’s on the right track. All you have achieved so far is making poor career choices, spending too much money you don’t have and pushing everyone away. It feels like one big ride downhill with a few tiny perks in between. And now it’s time to change. But you have tried that already so many times.

What if…you fail again? What if it turns out they all were right about you? All those who tell you to be careful, to think about it, to reconsider, to not do anything stupid. But all you ever did your whole life was trying to play it safe…and all that safety did was keep the void inside you growing. It is true – the facts of what has been are against you. But even though misery might feel like a protective blanket all it really does is slowly suffocating you.

In the end, it’s not much of a choice really. Because – what if you fly instead?

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