Falling little pieces

Beanie, Girl, Art, DrawingNo one really knows who she is. Least of all herself. She keeps on disappearing inside her head ever so often, living in her own little world even though it seems to be getting smaller every day. Especially now, that everything has changed and she spends way too much time pretending not to think about that change.

She is a little different, at least that’s how she likes to think of herself. By saying you are “a little different” you can excuse a lot of things, and explain how other people can simply do what she never manages to. She always feels like she is walking through some kind of fog which makes it hard to get in contact with her surroundings. So she just disappears inside her head and passes the time with all those glorious adventures her mind comes up with.

So to keep us from falling apart…

She isn’t really lonely, just alone a lot of the time. It’s not like she doesn’t have any friends – actually her friends are the very best in the whole world. They just live a little too far away from her. From this strange town she has lived in for over two years now without really knowing anyone. It doesn’t help that it’s not easy for her to make friends – maybe because she is a little different. But maybe also because she only rarely leaves the house in her spare time.

…we’ll write songs in the dark…

She lives in her own little world – most of it is taking place inside her head or on a piece of paper in front of her. All she ever does is work to earn some money or empty her soul with a pencil on a piece of paper. Of course no one gets to see those drawings. They would give away too many of her secrets and people would demand explanations she isn’t yet ready to give. Maybe she never will be. She rather draws up things for herself and sometimes anonymously releases something on a blog.

…and to keep us from fading away…

She isn’t unhappy, but perhaps a little empty inside. She feels like there isn’t much more going to happen in this world for her. Like she is living inside an invisible crystal ball, watching the real life happening on the other side. The real life all her colleagues have. All her friends live – with real partners, real children and a real everyday life. Not those silly figments she keeps drawing on her sketch-pad at home. It just feels a little like everyone else has figured out what life is all about and keeps moving forward while she’s just standing still frozen in time. Silently watching them move even further ahead.

…we’ll write for a better day

She was fine a few weeks ago. Totally cool with being the one on the outside looking in. Until something changed and now all she wants is to go back to all those quiet silly little daydreams. Go back to being blissfully unaware of her misery. But that’s not how change works – for better or worse her life has changed. Not moving has become so much more painful then crawling forward. Because she can’t escape that little devil inside her head whispering: Go…move…smile…live a little. So she slowly moves towards the cliff, hoping that there will be someone to catch her after she jumped.

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