Almost more than friends

statue, icecream, boy, girl, maybe, someday, loveNearly there is not good enough. This applies for missed changes, unspoken words and actions not taken, no matter how much it hurts afterwards. Still, even after it’s already over – after you slammed the door shut and threw the key away – even then, the stupid question “What if” might not stop bugging you.

Alexander and Catherine have known each other for almost ten years. They met at university and really hit it off right from the start. You know how it is – sometimes you feel like getting someone right from the start. They realized they had a lot in common: The love for Swedish indie rock bands, a taste for coffee with caramel syrup and a lot of other little things. They also discovered they really liked talking about and discussing basically everything – even if they ended up disagreeing.

Almost in love

What Alexander didn’t realize though: Catherine fell head over heels in love with him about one second after he said: “Hi I’m Alex”. She told everyone – her best friends, close and trustworthy fellow students, even her family. Alexander was the only one she left in the dark. So they started to become real close friends and Catherine felt, that sometimes there were these moments. The way his face lid up when he saw her, how he looked at her from to time to time, the way he kept her close and so many other little things. And then, one day, Alexander suddenly had a girlfriend.

“Just” friends

Catherine felt like dying – because their friendship still continued. They still liked each other but nothing more. There still were those moments but then, somehow, she managed to get past it. She closed the door inside her heart that read “I’m so in love with Alexander” and opened another one that had “My best buddy Alexander” written in front. She decided that Alexander was just sending some strange, unconscious signals without ever realizing it. That he never had wanted anything more than friendship. Otherwise he wouldn’t have a girlfriend now.

So Catherine and Alexander stayed “just” friends. Relationships came and went – sometimes both had one, sometimes one of them was single and the other one not. Still, the weird moments and signals stayed. And from time to time, a friend told Catherine, that Alexander WAS acting strange for someone who was “just a friend”. But she learned ignore those comments – even though her heart always beat a bit faster after hearing them.

What if…there might be more?

Alexander and Catherine have known each other for almost ten years. They still are really close friends – sometimes with more and sometimes with less contact. Alexander has got a girlfriend right now, Catherine is single. Sometimes – secretly – she looks at Alexander and sees SO MUCH more than just a friend. And sometimes she gets the feeling that he looks right back, seeing the same in her. Usually those are the moments when he suddenly starts laughing, tells her how grateful he is for having her in his life and hugs her really tight.

What if…gets you every time

And then – just like that – the moment has passed, leaving behind a heart-door that just creaked a little but didn’t open. Catherine picks her head up again and continues to move on. “What if” – it’s the meanest fucker of them all!

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